Moments like this.

I find motherhood such a roller coaster. Sleep deprivation is the mother of all evils and it can turn you into a complete neurotic and moody stranger. William wakes in the night at least three times, and there's Lily bless her heart, who is growing so fast all she wants to do is nurse, and nurse some more. Plus she's been ill three times since she was born and for a three month old that's going some (who says breast fed babies don't get sick? Phooey!).

Having a baby in a foreign land with no support network around you is challenging, but we muddle through and do our best. Mr O is being wonderful at trying to get home to help me with the bedtime routine (otherwise known as the 2 hours of hell). 

I have spent many mornings, with William waking up cranky and throwing numerous tantrums, wishing the day away and praying for 7 pm to hurry along, so I can put them both to bed and get some much longed for me time. Selfish as that sounds, when you have two little humans attached to you every moment of the day with no break you crave that alone time. Even taking a pee alone becomes a much longed for luxury!

But then I say all this, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I adore my children, there are no words for how blessed I feel to have them in my life. They are happy, loving, and healthy, and for that I am so grateful!

Tonight I had one of those moments, the ones that touch your heart and make all the hard work worth while. 

I asked William to help me put Lily to sleep. So he helped me change her nappy, and I showed him how I put her into her grobag (seriously, grobags? She isn't a tomato!). I asked him to lay on the bed with me whilst I nurse her to sleep, he brought with him his Momo (dummy) and his geghee (blanket) and laid in between us with his head nestled into Lily's tummy. I nursed Lily, she stroked his hair, and he cuddled her. And they both dozed off within minutes. I wish I had my phone with me so I could take a photo of it for posterity, to look back on and recall those feelings of utter bliss. My babies, whom I adore and cherish, both snuggling together, sleepy and warm. No tantrums, no crying, just blissed out sleepy time. 

My  heart sings for these moments. And they are becoming more and more regular. William brims over with love for his little sister, and it's clear the tantrums and screaming fits he has are in part due to jealousy. Lily is attached to my bosom for most of the day, she naps in the sling attached to me and when we leave the house she is attached to me. It's no wonder this loving, sensative little boy has feelings of envy, and plays up to those feelings for any attention he can get from me. I should feel flattered that he feels this way, because if he didn't, I would probably be whinging about how he doesn't seem to care all that much for me, or Lily. 

I won't lie, it is hard to be a good mother to these two beautiful little beings, who are both so young, and who need me so much, but it's a blessing, I feel blessed, these are the moments I shall miss when William comes home from school and doesn't want to spend any time with me because his friends are more interesting. 

I now feel that in Lily, I have given William a wonderful gift. He has a companion, and a life long friend. And Lily is lucky, because big brothers are the best. I adore my big brother, the age gap is too big for us to have memories of playing hide and seek, or playing on the see-saw together, but for my two, they are so close in age that they will never be lonely. They will always have each other. And when they are old enough to be embarrased by me I will remind them how they used to hold hands in the bath and run around naked. 

This is just what I have always wanted and I feel very very lucky indeed. 

Image from here