Getting over bankruptcy.
I am celebrating my 5th anniversary of bankruptcy this week.
Five years since the nightmare of sleepless nights and general skintness. I have sleepless nights and general skintness now of course, but nothing in comparison to the way it used to be.
Only those up shit creek without a paddle will really understand the true meaning of being skint. It's a case of buying milk or using it as bus fair, so you don't have to walk to work to your shitty job in the rain. Of the embarrassment of trying to hide just how bad your financial situation is from your housemates, despite the fact your car is untaxed with a black binbag for a window, because since it got broken into you just can't afford to get it fixed. Or of letting them eat the last of your bread without them realising that you were going to have it for dinner, because that was all you had left until you got paid. Of asking your boss for a pay rise, again, because you haven't ever had one and are desperate for even a slight increase in income. Of paying every spare penny off your debt only to realise the soul destroying truth that you barely touch the interest accrued on your loans. Of being under a debt management scheme for 3 soul destroying years and living like this because you think you are doing the right thing, when you earn so little, and your rent is so much, that actually the only option is bankruptcy. And even then you can't afford to go bankrupt, because it cost £500.
Living like that is something I get cold sweats about even remembering. Let alone being reminded of the fact that I am A Bankrupt. It's like I might as well have gone to court and sat in front of the judge, and have my forehead stamped with 'FAILURE'.
Going through the process wasn't easy, admitting I had failed wasn't easy, and living with the consequences after my bankruptcy wasn't easy. It's something I look back on and thank god every day it is over.
Even the word 'Bankrupt' brings me out in a huge shudder. People think it's the easy way out, but for me it was the only way out.
Five years since the nightmare of sleepless nights and general skintness. I have sleepless nights and general skintness now of course, but nothing in comparison to the way it used to be.
Only those up shit creek without a paddle will really understand the true meaning of being skint. It's a case of buying milk or using it as bus fair, so you don't have to walk to work to your shitty job in the rain. Of the embarrassment of trying to hide just how bad your financial situation is from your housemates, despite the fact your car is untaxed with a black binbag for a window, because since it got broken into you just can't afford to get it fixed. Or of letting them eat the last of your bread without them realising that you were going to have it for dinner, because that was all you had left until you got paid. Of asking your boss for a pay rise, again, because you haven't ever had one and are desperate for even a slight increase in income. Of paying every spare penny off your debt only to realise the soul destroying truth that you barely touch the interest accrued on your loans. Of being under a debt management scheme for 3 soul destroying years and living like this because you think you are doing the right thing, when you earn so little, and your rent is so much, that actually the only option is bankruptcy. And even then you can't afford to go bankrupt, because it cost £500.
Living like that is something I get cold sweats about even remembering. Let alone being reminded of the fact that I am A Bankrupt. It's like I might as well have gone to court and sat in front of the judge, and have my forehead stamped with 'FAILURE'.
Going through the process wasn't easy, admitting I had failed wasn't easy, and living with the consequences after my bankruptcy wasn't easy. It's something I look back on and thank god every day it is over.
Even the word 'Bankrupt' brings me out in a huge shudder. People think it's the easy way out, but for me it was the only way out.
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