My little Willbo.
If I'd have known just how much love would be in my life every single day, I would have had a child years ago.
It's safe to say that being a Mummy is a dream come true. William amazes me. He makes me laugh every day and he is so affectionate. He always kisses me and puts his arms up for a cuddle.
He has discovered his boy bits so whenever his nappy is off his hands go straight down to his goolies, typical boy. He tugged too hard on them once and made himself cry, with a very 'why did you do that to me Mummy' accusatory look in his eye, I actually found myself saying to him 'Well that's what happens when you tug too hard darling' and laughed.
His favourite word since Christmas Day is 'Nana'. Sometimes it's just 'Nan', and sometimes it's a three syllable ' NaNANa', of course everything is labelled Nana. The cat is Nana, the TV is Nana, so is his favourite toy. But a small sentimental part of me wonders if it is because my Mum watches over him and he has that innocent child awareness of higher energies.
I went in to his room the other day after he had awoken from a gloriously long nap (oh how I wish we had warnings of a long nap, I could have got my head down for an hour!) and when I picked him up I could smell my Mum on him.
I cuddled him for so long, inhaling the smell of home.
Having William enabled my heart to grow strong enough to accept that she is gone. I have almost blocked out the memory of what it was like to look after her when she was dying. I always wondered when the painful memories would subside, if ever. But they are fading away and William has made me feel grateful to her in ways I never thought possible.
A friend recently acknowledged without my having to say anything, that Christmas must be a hard time of year. Well yes it is, of course it is, but I have a child now. And that child has filled my heart with more love than I could ever imagine. He distracts me from feeling sorrow about seeing my Mum suffer so much. And believe what you like about the afterlife, but smelling her on my beautiful son that day made me feel safe and secure, like you do when you are 4 years old and run into your parents arms whenever you need them.
It's safe to say that being a Mummy is a dream come true. William amazes me. He makes me laugh every day and he is so affectionate. He always kisses me and puts his arms up for a cuddle.
He has discovered his boy bits so whenever his nappy is off his hands go straight down to his goolies, typical boy. He tugged too hard on them once and made himself cry, with a very 'why did you do that to me Mummy' accusatory look in his eye, I actually found myself saying to him 'Well that's what happens when you tug too hard darling' and laughed.
His favourite word since Christmas Day is 'Nana'. Sometimes it's just 'Nan', and sometimes it's a three syllable ' NaNANa', of course everything is labelled Nana. The cat is Nana, the TV is Nana, so is his favourite toy. But a small sentimental part of me wonders if it is because my Mum watches over him and he has that innocent child awareness of higher energies.
I went in to his room the other day after he had awoken from a gloriously long nap (oh how I wish we had warnings of a long nap, I could have got my head down for an hour!) and when I picked him up I could smell my Mum on him.
I cuddled him for so long, inhaling the smell of home.
Having William enabled my heart to grow strong enough to accept that she is gone. I have almost blocked out the memory of what it was like to look after her when she was dying. I always wondered when the painful memories would subside, if ever. But they are fading away and William has made me feel grateful to her in ways I never thought possible.
A friend recently acknowledged without my having to say anything, that Christmas must be a hard time of year. Well yes it is, of course it is, but I have a child now. And that child has filled my heart with more love than I could ever imagine. He distracts me from feeling sorrow about seeing my Mum suffer so much. And believe what you like about the afterlife, but smelling her on my beautiful son that day made me feel safe and secure, like you do when you are 4 years old and run into your parents arms whenever you need them.
Comments
I have no doubt that your Mum is watching over you and the small boy, and chuckling just as hard as you did at his goolies grabbing
xxx
I am glad you have found comfort in your role as a Mama. I am reaching that stage in life where I feel something is kind of 'missing' - sometimes I sit at night thinking that I could do with a little person to devote some of myself to.
Does that sound silly?