'I love you, but I'd love you to be thinner....'
That my friends, is the content of a text message an ex boyfriend sent me a very long time ago.
An ex boyfriend who broke my heart by saying it, well, texting it.
I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when I received it. The looks of disgust coming from him whilst I would get changed said it all, I should have known really that he objected to my image.
This was 8 years ago, and yes of course I am over it but the fact that someone whom I thought loved me, could say something so mean, still confuses me.
My reaction was sadness. Then I became very self conscious. And I starved myself and started walking the 45 min journey to work and back every day. I stopped going out drinking with my friends because I was worried about bumping into him, and I started to loathe what I saw in the mirror.
The power his comment had over me just crippled me. Was I really that disgusting? I started wearing more make up, slapping it on with a trowel in the hopes that maybe I could make myself look pretty, so people wouldn't look at my body, just my face. I look back at the photo's and I jokingly say to my friends 'that was my man in drag phase' because I looked just that, like a bloody man, in drag. A thin man though.
What drives someone to say something so mean to another? I don't for a moment think he really understood the impact of what he had done. Or how he knocked my confidence. Or broke my heart completely.
Still - I hear he is going bald now.
Karma's a bitch.
An ex boyfriend who broke my heart by saying it, well, texting it.
I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when I received it. The looks of disgust coming from him whilst I would get changed said it all, I should have known really that he objected to my image.
This was 8 years ago, and yes of course I am over it but the fact that someone whom I thought loved me, could say something so mean, still confuses me.
My reaction was sadness. Then I became very self conscious. And I starved myself and started walking the 45 min journey to work and back every day. I stopped going out drinking with my friends because I was worried about bumping into him, and I started to loathe what I saw in the mirror.
The power his comment had over me just crippled me. Was I really that disgusting? I started wearing more make up, slapping it on with a trowel in the hopes that maybe I could make myself look pretty, so people wouldn't look at my body, just my face. I look back at the photo's and I jokingly say to my friends 'that was my man in drag phase' because I looked just that, like a bloody man, in drag. A thin man though.
What drives someone to say something so mean to another? I don't for a moment think he really understood the impact of what he had done. Or how he knocked my confidence. Or broke my heart completely.
Still - I hear he is going bald now.
Karma's a bitch.
Comments
I'm actually glad he said it, it was obviously your get out clause and now look what you have!
I too have had a decent dose of assholes and they really do make you realise when a good thing comes along.
Eugh... prick.
I'm actually glad he said it, it was obviously your get out clause and now look what you have!
I too have had a decent dose of assholes and they really do make you realise when a good thing comes along.
Eugh... prick.
I think I might divorce him.
Only an asshole will make you feel like shit about yourself.
Never let anyone make you feel like shit x
Siba