Helping me to beleive
Something strange happened yesterday. The date didn't cross my mind at all, but my sister brought her two boys over to see my new kitten,we drank lots of tea and the boys wolfed down the Banoffee Pie I'd made for them. We had a game of Scrabble just the four of us (Mums old board thati took when we cleared the house out). We had a nice time, the kitten was sleeping on my lap she looked like a little teddy bear. I had my ipod playing millions of random songs on my sound dock in the background and kept laughing at my eldest nephew singing along (badly) to Guns N Roses, then just as it was timefor them to leave, as we were all standing together in the living room saying cheerio, the song I dedicated to my mum at her funeral came on. Free Bird.
I have thousands of songs on my ipod, and always wondered when Free Birdmight take me by suprise. And i've always been suprised that in the time since the funeral i haven't heard the song, not once. Yet yesterday was the6 month anniversary of the funeral, of when i said goodbye to my Mum.And the fact that Free Bird came on as i was with my family just floored me.
I'm unaware if anyone noticed the song, because i skipped it so quickly, i couldn't bare to stand there listening to it or to bring back badmemories for the boys. Perhaps i should have let it play, and we couldhave had a 'moment' together as a family, as we don't see each other nearly enough.
Or perhaps after 6 months of feeling totally abandoned by my mum and bymy belief system that perhaps there is an energy out there and that perhaps she is still existing somehow, and feeling so bereft whenever my sister or mums best friend talks of 'receiveing messages' from Mum, because i had never felt her around me, or received any messages of my own, I can only feel as though on an anniversary like yesterdays, the fact that i was with my family, it was my Mums way of letting me know she is there. And that perhaps I ought to start beleiving again.
I have thousands of songs on my ipod, and always wondered when Free Birdmight take me by suprise. And i've always been suprised that in the time since the funeral i haven't heard the song, not once. Yet yesterday was the6 month anniversary of the funeral, of when i said goodbye to my Mum.And the fact that Free Bird came on as i was with my family just floored me.
I'm unaware if anyone noticed the song, because i skipped it so quickly, i couldn't bare to stand there listening to it or to bring back badmemories for the boys. Perhaps i should have let it play, and we couldhave had a 'moment' together as a family, as we don't see each other nearly enough.
Or perhaps after 6 months of feeling totally abandoned by my mum and bymy belief system that perhaps there is an energy out there and that perhaps she is still existing somehow, and feeling so bereft whenever my sister or mums best friend talks of 'receiveing messages' from Mum, because i had never felt her around me, or received any messages of my own, I can only feel as though on an anniversary like yesterdays, the fact that i was with my family, it was my Mums way of letting me know she is there. And that perhaps I ought to start beleiving again.
Comments